+1s

I feel like everyone around me is getting married (while I, ironically, am trying out the single life for the first time in nearly a decade).


Since our mid-twenties, X and I averaged about 5 weddings a year.  His best friend's wedding took place this earlier month; I had bought my plane ticket and a new dress and was looking forward spending the weekend with him.  I obviously didn't attend (plane ticket credited, dress saved for another time), but in the past week and a half, I did receive two other wedding invitations in the mail.

One was a black envelope with silver swirls.  The RSVP card was addressed to Shailah and X.  Clearly, Bride is a little behind.

But it was actually the second invitation that made me pause.  In beautiful cursive writing, it read Shailah & Guest.

It's time to move on.  He obviously has.  I logged onto my facebook this afternoon and staring back at me is a picture of him and his slore plastered on my news feed.  He said she was just a distraction, but that clearly isn't true.  He's already has someone new?  Was I that easily forgotten?  I guess it doesn't matter.  But it is clear is that he's over me.

I want to yell at him.  I want to tell him it's incredibly unfair that it all turned out this way.  Why do you get to be happy when you're the one who wasn't faithful?  I want to say all the horrible things I've been thinking all summer.  I want him to how know how I felt when he told me the truth.  How I couldn't catch my breath and how it couldn't be true.  He betrayed me; I trusted him and he broke all of his promises.

I loved him.  And he broke my heart.  Into a million pieces that I'm desperately trying to glue back together. 

I'm tired of crying over you.  I don't understand why you did this to us.  I deserved better than that.

I deserve someone better than you.

"nothing compares, no worries or cares/
 regrets and mistakes, they’re memories made/ 
who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?" -adele


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