I'm running away this weekend to the East Coast-- friends, family, and ShakeShack await. I'm having issues trying to print my parking confirmation. I hate LAX. I hate flying. Ugh. Last time I did this flight, I didn't have to worry about the transportation logistics for this terrible red-eye.
He came to pick me up after work. I threw my carry-on in the trunk and looked a hot-mess in my most-homeless, anticipating a sleepless overnight flight.
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
guessing game
I'm not really sure what happened. Last time, it was an incident, a specific moment of time. I could pinpoint to the exact second when he told me what had happened and I shattered a framed picture against the wall.
But this time....
But this time....
stage 2 anger
I tend to have music on in the background, but never actually pay any attention. It's more to just get rid of the silences that I'm surrounded by. Typically, I listen to pretty mellow background music, a la Jason Mraz. And then, earlier this week, I went through a streak of depressing sob-my-eyeballs out songs (read: Passenger's "Let Her Go.")
Why am I expending all this energy? I just can't do it anymore. This week has been an uneven stretch of emotions, with angry, wronged girls like Adele, Kelly Clarkson, and old-school Alanis most recently making an appearance on my Pandora. They know what's up.
Also, I'd love to get my extra garage key back. Thanks.
Why am I expending all this energy? I just can't do it anymore. This week has been an uneven stretch of emotions, with angry, wronged girls like Adele, Kelly Clarkson, and old-school Alanis most recently making an appearance on my Pandora. They know what's up.
My 10 I'm-So-Over-It (plus a bonus from JT!)
apropo
Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
Anywhere I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you
And I will swallow my pride
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye
-"Say Something", A Great Big World
go big or go home
"In poker, the term "all-in" means that a player has put the last of their chips into the pot. When a player is "all-in", they can not perform another action because they don't have any chips left.
By pushing "all-in", you committed all of your chips to the pot. If somebody had called you and had you "covered" (meaning, had as many chips as you did), then you could have potentially lost your entire stack."
- from http://www.poker-king.com (because that site is totally legit, y'all)
By pushing "all-in", you committed all of your chips to the pot. If somebody had called you and had you "covered" (meaning, had as many chips as you did), then you could have potentially lost your entire stack."
- from http://www.poker-king.com (because that site is totally legit, y'all)
the last relationship, in illustrations
It was going better than great.
M made me smile, held my hand, and I liked to wake up next to him in the morning.
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| Have you met the last guy I dated? And I thought he felt the same way. Late night texts, upcoming dates, the sense of anticipation... But, then, all of sudden.... |
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| This is pretty much how it went down. He meets a minimum of eight of those bullet points. |
So, now what?
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Well, logical-me knows its for the best, but emotional-me is still over-analyzing like crazy.
And my heart still hurts.
But it's getting better each day, so I guess that's something.
all images from: http://fuckiminmy20s.tumblr.com
aka today's greatest discovery and the biggest-time-suck-ever
(and maybe the sad realization that 30 might not be so different from 20)
(and maybe the sad realization that 30 might not be so different from 20)
word association
Vegas. Dance Floor. Pure.
Sunday. Disney. Neptune's Net. Fried Scallops. Malibu. Sunset. Silver Linings. Magical.
vacation me
I know you'll never read this, but I have a confession to make.... I wasn't totally honest with you.
Yes, I did tell you my real name, my real job, and my real age (gasp!), which is something I never do with random bar boys. But, the truth is, you didn't actually meet real-life-me.
Instead, you met vacation-me.
Yes, I did tell you my real name, my real job, and my real age (gasp!), which is something I never do with random bar boys. But, the truth is, you didn't actually meet real-life-me.
Instead, you met vacation-me.
out of whack
Jason Mraz made me cry today. Yep, while just cruising down the 134 with sunroof open. Good Lord, my hormones are going haywire.
But, seriously, these lyrics? I mean, COME ON.
But, seriously, these lyrics? I mean, COME ON.
I'll admit it, I think I might sort of want this again.
"Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard
I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend" -Lucky, Jason Mraz
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard
I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend" -Lucky, Jason Mraz
june gloom, june bloom
June 2, 2011- Finding out X threw it all away for some random chick.
June 2, 2012- Spending my weekend in Vegas with an adorable British footballer.
Hah, poetic irony, right?
June 16, 2011- Trying to ignore the date of our eight year anniversary.
June 16, 2012- Admiring my newly inked tattoo.
Gosh, who is this person now?!
A year ago this time, X and I had our relationship crumble to pieces.
But you know what? It took the better part of the last twelve months (and admittedly, my life might look like a bit of a crisis) but I'm finally happy again.
June 2, 2012- Spending my weekend in Vegas with an adorable British footballer.
Hah, poetic irony, right?
June 16, 2011- Trying to ignore the date of our eight year anniversary.
June 16, 2012- Admiring my newly inked tattoo.
Gosh, who is this person now?!
A year ago this time, X and I had our relationship crumble to pieces.
But you know what? It took the better part of the last twelve months (and admittedly, my life might look like a bit of a crisis) but I'm finally happy again.
he's already won the d-bag of the year award for 2012
2012 is off to a spectacularly bad start. And I came to that assessment by Day 2.
I followed some well-intentioned, albeit extremely poor, advice--
"Maybe you should talk to X. It has been six months and he is still trying. Maybe he made a mistake and truly regrets it. Just hear him out."
I followed some well-intentioned, albeit extremely poor, advice--
"Maybe you should talk to X. It has been six months and he is still trying. Maybe he made a mistake and truly regrets it. Just hear him out."
better together
I spent a good portion of this month hanging out at the hospital. To try and pass the day, I walked around the maze-like hallways, scouting out any halfway decent magazines abandoned on the tables. This means I have read pretty much any issue Real Simple/Glamour/Martha Stewart Living/In Style/New Yorker published in the last four months. (The only one left untouched was The Economist). Magazines are great, but they only manage to kill an hour or so. After I flew through a borrowed copy of an awesomely-bad beach read ("The Castaways"), I stumbled across the library on the first floor and left with a stack precariously balanced in my arms.
I curled up in the family waiting room with a paperback copy of "One Day". I know a lot of people hated this book. And it's really not even my type of book. I know you're not supposed to judge a book by it's cover, but I mean, seriously?
Much to my surprise, I sort of loved it.
I curled up in the family waiting room with a paperback copy of "One Day". I know a lot of people hated this book. And it's really not even my type of book. I know you're not supposed to judge a book by it's cover, but I mean, seriously?
Much to my surprise, I sort of loved it.
six months
“Isn't it funny how the memories you cherish before a breakup can become
your worst enemies afterwards? The thoughts you loved to think about,
the memories you wanted to hold up to the light and view from every
angle--it suddenly seems a lot safer to lock them in a box, far from the
light of day and throw away the key. It's not an act of bitterness.
It's an act of self-preservation.”
- First Day
rules of engagement
Earlier this year, X and I decided he should come home with me for Thanksgiving.
And meet The Parents.
Forget the ring-- this is much, much bigger. It's essentially the
engagement announcement, more official than anything that sparkles.
However, since X messed up in a serious way I didn't even see coming, introductions will no longer be necessary.
But for the Future Mr. Forever, I do have some advice on how to win The Parents over.
And meet The Parents.
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But for the Future Mr. Forever, I do have some advice on how to win The Parents over.
he says
he says he hopes i'm doing well.
he says he hopes i'm happy.
he says he wants to still talk.
he says he still thinks about me.
but he's never said he's sorry for what he did.
he says he hopes i'm happy.
he says he wants to still talk.
he says he still thinks about me.
but he's never said he's sorry for what he did.
reality bites
"So I turned the radio on, I turned the radio up,
and this woman was singing my song:
lover's in love, and the other's run away,
lover is crying 'cause the other won't stay."
and this woman was singing my song:
lover's in love, and the other's run away,
lover is crying 'cause the other won't stay."
that morning
The last time I saw him was a Tuesday.
I remember some of the details, but not everything. He booked an early flight so I could drop him off on my way to work. He's not much of a morning person; it was a quiet drive to the airport with the hum of the car radio in the background. His hand rested on top of mine as we weaved our way through the a.m commuter traffic.
That particular airport is never really crowded. I pushed the hazards button and hurried over to the passenger side. I wore a black sheath dress and ugly ballet flats; he had forgotten his favorite black hoodie back in Lubbock and was in his standard t-shirt and jeans uniform. Was he wearing the glasses I had picked out? He stood outside the car with his backpack on and his carry-on slung over his shoulder.
I wrapped my arms around him and held him closely to me, said I couldn't wait to see him soon. Have a safe flight. Happy belated birthday and good luck on your boards. Text me on your layover and don't forget to call me when you land; I need to know you got back in one piece. He kissed me hard on the lips and turned to walk towards the automatic doors. Away from me.
I wish I had known that was going to be it.
"i understand that you are going through a hard time /
but what you need to recognize, i'm in one, too /
you say that maybe we should take some time apart /
but you go your way, i'll get by" - get you in, better than ezra
I remember some of the details, but not everything. He booked an early flight so I could drop him off on my way to work. He's not much of a morning person; it was a quiet drive to the airport with the hum of the car radio in the background. His hand rested on top of mine as we weaved our way through the a.m commuter traffic.
That particular airport is never really crowded. I pushed the hazards button and hurried over to the passenger side. I wore a black sheath dress and ugly ballet flats; he had forgotten his favorite black hoodie back in Lubbock and was in his standard t-shirt and jeans uniform. Was he wearing the glasses I had picked out? He stood outside the car with his backpack on and his carry-on slung over his shoulder.
I wrapped my arms around him and held him closely to me, said I couldn't wait to see him soon. Have a safe flight. Happy belated birthday and good luck on your boards. Text me on your layover and don't forget to call me when you land; I need to know you got back in one piece. He kissed me hard on the lips and turned to walk towards the automatic doors. Away from me.
I wish I had known that was going to be it.
"i understand that you are going through a hard time /
but what you need to recognize, i'm in one, too /
you say that maybe we should take some time apart /
but you go your way, i'll get by" - get you in, better than ezra
+1s
I feel like everyone around me is getting married (while I, ironically, am trying out the single life for the first time in nearly a decade).
Since our mid-twenties, X and I averaged about 5 weddings a year. His best friend's wedding took place this earlier month; I had bought my plane ticket and a new dress and was looking forward spending the weekend with him. I obviously didn't attend (plane ticket credited, dress saved for another time), but in the past week and a half, I did receive two other wedding invitations in the mail.
One was a black envelope with silver swirls. The RSVP card was addressed to Shailah and X. Clearly, Bride is a little behind.
But it was actually the second invitation that made me pause. In beautiful cursive writing, it read Shailah & Guest.
Since our mid-twenties, X and I averaged about 5 weddings a year. His best friend's wedding took place this earlier month; I had bought my plane ticket and a new dress and was looking forward spending the weekend with him. I obviously didn't attend (plane ticket credited, dress saved for another time), but in the past week and a half, I did receive two other wedding invitations in the mail.
One was a black envelope with silver swirls. The RSVP card was addressed to Shailah and X. Clearly, Bride is a little behind.
But it was actually the second invitation that made me pause. In beautiful cursive writing, it read Shailah & Guest.
dealbreakers
I didn't really think in "forever" terms with any of the guys I dated in college (obviously, X excluded). At that point in life, it's more like "Oh, hey, that guy who sits next to me in biology class is pretty cute. Let's see where this goes". But now, older, wiser, etc., it's time to think about more than the just the superficial.
Everyone has dealbreakers when looking for a significant other. 30 Rock's Liz Lemon has a hilarious list that includes gems like "If your man appears on "To Catch a Predator" on Dateline... ...that's a dealbreaker, ladies!" and "If your man has appeared on "Maury" to take a paternity test... ...that's a dealbreaker, ladies!".
Let's not lie-- I still totally have a shallow list of would-be-awesomes (read: amazing abs). But the list that actually matters is the list of for-reals*, and this second list isn't really negotiable.
Everyone has dealbreakers when looking for a significant other. 30 Rock's Liz Lemon has a hilarious list that includes gems like "If your man appears on "To Catch a Predator" on Dateline... ...that's a dealbreaker, ladies!" and "If your man has appeared on "Maury" to take a paternity test... ...that's a dealbreaker, ladies!".Let's not lie-- I still totally have a shallow list of would-be-awesomes (read: amazing abs). But the list that actually matters is the list of for-reals*, and this second list isn't really negotiable.
